I am in a vortex of obligation.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
