I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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