Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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