If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
