What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
