The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
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I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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