I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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