we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
