Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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