u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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