I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
