She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
