Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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