The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
