i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
