Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
