yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
