i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Randomize
