I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
