How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
