Just fell off a train. Bad.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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