I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
