OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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