well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
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There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
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Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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