don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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