I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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