my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
