I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
