A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
