Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
