3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
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Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
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Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
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