Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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