I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
there is puke in my bra ... again
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