i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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