We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
