Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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