The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
