I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
