oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
