I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
