I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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