i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
