i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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