so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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