I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.