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I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Randomize
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