it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.