my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
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He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
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Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.