I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not