so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.