Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My penis needs a shock collar
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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