I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
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Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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