Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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