OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
