he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
party gras won. party gras always wins.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
