Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
