I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
