The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
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how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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