I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
