I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
