Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
