You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I think I died a long time ago.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
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