Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
How's work?
Spinning.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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